| Tune: "Old Time Religion" Chorus: Give me that real old time religion Give me that real old time religion Give me that real old time religion It's good enough for me! [ASATRU AND ODINISM] I hear Valkyries a-comin In the air their song is comin They forgot the words! They're hummin! But they're good enough for me! We will drive up to Valhalla Riding Beetles, not Impalas Singing "Deutschland Uber Alles" And that's good enough for me! It was good enough for Loki It was good enough for Loki He thinks Thor's a little hokey And that's good enough for me! Shall we sing in praise of Loki, Though he left poor Midgard smokey? Oh, his sense of humor's hokey, But he's good enough for me! All the Gods tore into Loki Saying Deicide is hokey! And they threw him in the pokey! And that's good enough for me! Good old Thor's the god of thunder Really helps us get our plunder Tho his head's still truly dunder He is good enough for me! In the halls of Frey and Freyja All the priestesses will lay ya If you're good enough, they'll pay ya! And that's good enough for me! One-eyed Odin we will follow And in fighting we will wallow Till we wind up in Valhallow Which is good enough for me! It was good enough for Odin Though the tremblin' got forbodin' Then the giants finally strode in, But it's good enough for me! Shall we sing a verse for Thor, Though he leaves the maidens sore? They always come back for more, So he's good enough for me! It was good for Thor and Odin It was good for Thor and Odin Grab an axe and get your woad on! and it's good enough for me! We will worship now with vigor The goddess known as Frigga Tho there are some who don't dig her She is good enough for me! If you wanna worship Odin You don't have to have a coat on Grab a sword and slap some woad on And that's good enough for me! We will sing a verse for Loki He's the old Norse god of Chaos Which is why this verse don't rhyme or scan or nothin' But it's good enough for me. [BRUJA] Let us sing for Brujaria Though the blood's a lot less cleaner; It's not Christian Santaria So it's good enough for me! [BUDDHISM] We will all go to Nirvana So be sure to mind your manners Make a left turn at Savannah And we'll see the Promised Land! It was good enough for Buddha, As a god he's kinda cute-a, And he comes in brass or pewta' So he's good enough for me! No one wrote a verse for Buddah Tho I think they really coulda And I really think they shoulda 'Cause he's good enough for me! Oh we all will follow Buddah Oh we all will follow Buddah And we'll eat no food but Gouda Which is Gouda-nuff for me! We will go and sing "Hosanna" To our good ol' pal, Gautama, He will never flim or flam ya', And that's good enough for me! We will all go to Nirvana We will all go to Nirvana Make a left turn at Urbana And you'll see the Promised Land! [CARGO CULT & PACIFIC ISLANDS] To the tune of Handel's "Largo" We will hymn the gods of Cargo 'Til they slap on an embargo And that's good enough for me! If you get too tired And you need to get up higher Just have Pele light your fire! From her island in the sea! You can keep your saints with halos, Your hosannas or dayenus: Let's throw virgins in volcanos! And that's good enough for me! [CHRISTIAN] We will worship with the Fundies With their itchy hair-shirt undies If they don't bring "Mrs. Grundy," Then it's good enough for me! There are those who worship Satan And are just anticipatin' Armageddon's conflagratin' That ain't good enough for me! It was good for old Jehovah He had a son who was a nova! Hey there, Mithras! Move on ova'! Another resurrection Day! Let's all listen up to Jesus He says rich folks like old Croesus Will be damned until Hell freezes And that don't sound good to me! Jerry Falwell thinks he's sav-ed In a lamb's blood he's been lav-ed And HE thinks that I'M deprav-ed But that's good enough for me! Oh we'll all be Fundamental And be Holy Testamental And never Trancendental And that's good enough for me! That Bob Larson shrieks and hollers Fighting demons in his callers Save his program: SEND YOUR DOLLARS! And that's good enough for me! We will finally pray to Jesus From our sins we hope he frees us Eternal life he guarantees us And that's good enough for me! Tho J.C.'s into fish, too, He's an avatar of Vishnu So he is welcome here, too, And that's good enough for me! Anytime that I start hearin' "Jesus loves you" I start leerin' Maybe so, but not like Brian Which is good enough for me! Brother Jerry is a cretin But with all the cash he's gettin' Lotsa folks'll be forgettin It's the "Land of the Free!" Brother Oral's in his tower, Trusting in the Lord's power Getting richer by the hour, Now he's got the ransom fee! Brother Robert's church is Crystal But all the Bible that he's missed'll Make you "hotter than a pistol" But he's good enough for me! Brother Earnest is a healer And not QUITE a wheeler-dealer -- More a jumper and a squealer So he's good enough for me! Brother Jim and Sister Tammy Had a show that was a whammy But now they are in Miami Tryin' t'get back on TV! Then there's good ol' Brother Billy Bringing souls in willy-nilly. All his trips are kinda silly, But he's good enough for me! Whether Low Church or it's High Church Or it's Pie-Up-In-The-Sky Church Come on down and visit my Church 'Cause it's good enough for me! And the Romans said of Jesus "Lets kill him, he don't please us" "But the Atheists will tease us" And thats good enough for me You could join Jehovah's Witness Running door to door for fitness Well if you've been blessed with quickness, Then thats good enough for me And let's not forget Pelagius Though some call him outrageous He is pious and courageous And he's good enough for me! [CLASSICAL PAGANISM] We will go to worship Zeus Though his morals are quite loose He gave Leda quite a goose And he's good enough for me! You can dance and wave the thyrsos And sing lots of rowdy verses Till the neighbors holler curses, And that's good enough for me! We will pray to Father Zeus In his temple we'll hang loose Eating roast beef au jus, And that's good enough for me! We will sing for great Diana Who will teach of love and honor But you really gotta wanna! 'Cause she's tough enough for me! Shall we sing a verse for Venus, Of the Gods she is the meanest, Cause she bit me on my...elbow! And it's good enough for me! We went off to worship Venus By the Gods! You should have seen us! Now the Clinic has to screen us... But that's good enough for me! We will venerate old Bacchus Drinking beer and eating tacos Til you've tried it please don't knock us 'Cause it's good enough for me! It was good enough for Sappho With her lady on her lap-o She put Lesbos on the map-o With her pagan poetry! Let us raise a toast to Bacchus, We will raise a royal ruckus, Then we'll lay us down and f**k us That's good enough for me! When we worship Bacchus The ethanol will sock us We'll all get good and raucous And that's good enough for me! Diana is a little spikey And she is a little dyke-ey You don't have to be a Psych-e To know that's right for me! We'll sing praises to Apollo; Where the Sun God leads we'll follow ('Though his head's a little hollow) He's good enough for me! We will worship with Poseidon We will meet him when the tide's in All the maidens he will ride in Then he'll give 'em all to me! Don't neglect that shrine of Zeus' Tho he's lost his vital juices The old boy still has his uses And he's good enough for me! All the hunters start convergin' When Diana is emergin' It's too bad she's still a virgin But there's still hope left for me! We will all bow to Hephaestus As a blacksmith he will test us 'Cause his balls are pure asbestos So he's good enough for me! And what about this Bacchus, Who lives just to raise a ruckus? Loosens women so they'll f**k us, Well, that's good enough for me! There is room enough in Hades For lots of criminals and shadies And disreputable ladies, And they're good enough for me! We will all see Aphrodite Though she's pretty wild and flighty She will meet us in her nightie And she's good enough for me! And to help things get real racous The priests of Pan and Bacchus Will hold a f***ing contest! And that's all right with me! Oh we will go and worship Pan, 'cause he just don't give a damn! Grab a woman or a man, And that's good enough for me! Was a time, so I've heard tell, a Fine and promising young fella Gave his all to serve Cybele But that's damn well not for me! We all worshipped Dionysus 'Till we ran into a crisis: The bar had raised its prices; That's not good enough for me! We'll sing praises to Apollo Where the Sun-God leads, I'll follow >From Ionia to Gaul-o And that's good enough for me! There's that lusty old Priapus He's just itching to unwrap us. (He'd do more to us than tap us And that's good enough for me!) We will have a mighty Party In the honor of Astarte Grab your chiton - don't be tardy 'Cause she's good enough for me! Pan's pipes got plugged last summer And it really was a bummer Finally had to call a plumber! But he's good enough for me! In his dancing Pan will lead them When his pipes call we will heed them In truth tho, he don't need them He's more than enough for me! Now Danae was sweet as flowers, She was into golden showers; And that showed her Zeus' power And that's good enough for me! It was good enough for Venus She'd have sighed if she'd of seen us Letting morals come between us And she's good enough for me! We will sing our staves to Venus We will sing our staves to Venus Tho I think this rhyme is henious But it's good enough for me! There's one thing that I do know Zeus' favorite is Juno She's the best at doing...you know! And that's good enough for me! Let us dance with Dionysus And get drunk on wine and spices The Christians call them "vices" But they're good enough for me! It was good enough for Cupid It was good enough for Cupid His wings look kind of stupid But that's good enough for me! We will venerate old Hermes With his staff entwined with wormies Warding off the nasty germies And that's good enough for me! Let's all drink to Dionysus Wine and women beyond prices! He made a Maenad out of my Sis! And that's good enough for me! We will all bow down to Venus As we dance upon Mt. Zenos We will worship with our....voice And that's good enough for me! There are those who, when they've got e- Normous problems that are knotty They just take them to Hecate And that's good enough for me! We all worship Aphrodite, And Her sister bold Astarte, They both throw a lovely party, And that's just fine with me! In the church of Aphrodite She's a mighty righteous sightie, The Priestess wears a see through nightie And she's good enough for me [CONFUCIANISM] Let us read works of Confucius As we walk thru Massachusetts In white robes that freeze our tushes But it's good enough for me! We used to study old Confucius As we sat there on our tushes We're learning but don't push us And thats good enough for me [CTHULHU] We will worship mighty Cthulhu H. P. Lovecraft's big old hoodoo (1930's fiction voodoo....) But that's good enough for me! We will worship Great Cthulhu, We will worship Great Cthulhu, And we'll feed him Mr. Sulu 'Cause that's good enough for me! Let us sing to Lord Cthuhlu Don't let Lovecraft try to fool you Or the Elder Gods WILL rule you And that's good enough for me! We will sacrifice to Yuggoth We will sacrifice to Yuggoth Burn a candle for Yog-Soggoth And the Goat With a Thousand Young Of the Old Ones, none is vaster Even Cthulhu's not his master I refer to the unspeakable #$% and that's good enough for me! Well it's good enough for #$% He's a mighty kinky master When you pray he goes much faster And that's good enough for me! And for those who follow Cthulhu We have really got a lulu: Drop a bomb on Honolulu! 'Cause that's good enough for you! Let's go worship Great Cthulhu, And run naked like a Zulu, You and me and Mr. Sulu, And that's good enough for me! [DISCORDIANISM] Let us sing to old Discordia Cause it's sure she's never bored ya And if she's good enough for ya Then she's good enough for me! Of Great Murphy much is spoken For his Law shall not be broken It's not pretty when he's woken Things go wrong for you and me! If your rising sign is Aries You'll be taken by the Fairies Meet the Buddah in Benares where he'll hit you with a pie! If your god of choice is Squat Well then trendy, man, you're not! But you'll get a parking spot! And that's good enough for me! We will sing a verse for Eris (Golden apples for the fairest!) Though she sometimes likes to scare us But she's good enough for me! Let us do our thing for Eris Goddess of the discord there is Apple's golden, it's not ferrous And that's good enough for me! Let us praise the Holy Fool For he's breaking all the rules Holds you up to ridicule, And that's good enough for me! [THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR] Oh, the dollar is our Saviour If we spend Her or we save Her She controls all our behaviour There's not enough for me! There are those who scream and holler And get hot under the collar For their god, Almighty Dollar, Who is good enough for me! Call Him God, or call him Allah The priest will take your dollah Easy living from -your- follah- -wers, but sorry, -not- from me! [DRUIDS] We will worship like the Druids, Drinking strange fermented fluids, Running naked through the woo-ids, Coz that's good enough for me! In Pwyll's hall you will be welcome But he's not at home too often Spends all his time in Annwyfn And that's good enough for me! I'll go get my golden sickle And I'll wear it where it tickles It ain't used for cuttin' pickles! And it's good enough for me! [EGYPTIAN] Let us sing the praise of Horus As our fathers did before us We're the New Egyptian Chorus And we sing in harmony! When we all bowed down to Nuit There was really nothin' to it (Alex Sanders made me do it...) But that's good enough for me! We will venerate Bubastis We will venerate Bubastis If you want in, then just ast us! 'cause that's good enough for me! We will pray with those Egyptians Build pyramids to put our crypts in Cover subways with inscriptions, which is good enough for me.....! Let us all now worship Ra And take care of our Ka We'll all sit round and go "Ah-h-h!" Which is good enough for me! We will all do praise to Horus In an old Egyptian chorus If there's something in it for us Then it's good enough for me! Here's an invitation for us All to go and worship Horus Doff your clothes and join the chorus And that's good enough for me! We will venerate Bubastis Cause my cat walked up and ast us (Now the cat box is DISASTROUS!) But it's good enough for me! [FICTIONAL GODS, DEMONS AMD HEROES] Here's to those who copy Conan Here's to those who copy Conan They're just Followers of Onan And that's good enough for me! We will sing of Foul the Render, Who's got Drool Rockworm on a bender In his cave in Kiril Threndor-- They're both too much for me! There are followers of Conan. And you'll never hear 'em groanin' Followed Crom up to his throne(in) And it's good enough for me! Of Lord Shardik you must beware; To please him you must swear; 'Cause enraged he's a real Bear, And that's good enough for me! Azahoth is in his Chaos Azahoth is in his Chaos Now if only he don't sway us That is good enough for me! We will sing of Iluvatur, Who sent the Valar 'cross the water To lead Morgoth to the slaughter And that's just fine with me! We will worship Holy Ford Beta, Delta, Gamma, Lord But the Alphas might get bored A Brave New World for you and me! We will sing the Jug of Issek, And of Fafhrd his chief mystic, Though to thieving Mouser will stick, And that's good enough for me! Let us note the might of Ils With a thousand or more quills By the light that from him spills He is good enough for me! We'll invoke the blessed Camber And the Unicorn of Amber And the wizard Deliamber They're good enough for me! The late return of the Prophet Zarquon Caused his followers to hearken As the Universe went dark on All of you and me! It was good enough for Cthulhu Who'd eat me and who'd eat you, too; If it's good enough for Cthulhu Then it's good enough for me [HINDU] There are some that call it folly When we worship Mother Kali. She may not be very jolly But she's good enough for me! We will go to worship Kali She will help us in our folly She'd be quite an armful, golly! And she's good enough for me! As the goddess Kali dances With her worshippers in trances You can learn some Hindu stances And that's good enough for me! I will wait till four-armed Kali Drags me thru that lonesome valley She's disgusting act-u-all-y But She's good enough for me! [ISLAMIC] We will all bow down to Allah For he gave his loyal follow Ers the mighty petro-dollah And that's good enough for me! Warriors for Allah Are sure to have a gala Time in old Valhalla And that's good enough for me! [JEWISH] If you think that you'll be sav-ed If you think that you'll be sav-ed If you follow Mogen David Then that's good enough for me! Some guys have a circumcision On account of their religion, An embarrassing incision Cut just ENOUGH from me! Let us worship old Jehovahh All you other gods move ovah Cause the one God's takin' over And it's good enough for me! Let us celebrate Jehova Who created us "ab ova" He'll be on tonight on "Nova" 'cause he's good enough for me! [KAHBAHLA] We will read from the Kabahlah We will read from the Kabahlah It won't get us to Valhalla But it's good enough for me! We will read from the Cabala. Quote the Tree of Life mandala It won't get you in Valhalla, Yet it's good enough for me! [KRISHNA] We will all sing Hare Krishna We will all sing Hare Krishna It's not mentioned in the Mishna But it's good enough for me! Hare Krishna gets a laugh on When he sees me dressed in saffron With my hair that's only half on But that's good enough for me! I was singing Hari Rama With my friend the Dalai Lama 'Til they dumped us in the slammer But that's good enough for me! [MIDDLE EASTERN PAGAN] I'll sing some songs to Lilith, Not so young, and not so girlish, and She's always PMS-ish, but She's good enough for me! We will have a mighty orgy in the honour of Astarte it'll be a mighty party and it's good enough for me! Lilith wears a lacy nightie And She is a little flighty She will get you all excite-y She's wet-dream enough for me! We will sing to Lady Isis She'll stand by us in a crisis And She hasn't raised Her prices And She's good enough for me! We will all bow down to Dagon We will all bow down to Dagon He still votes for Ronald Reagan And that's good enough for me! We will all bow down to Enlil We will all bow down to Enlil Pass your Cup and get a refill! With bold Gilgamesh the Brave! Let us worship sweet Eninni Let us worship sweet Eninni In a skimpy string bikini And that's good enough for me! Oh the ancient goddess Nerthus From herself the Earth did birth us And I wonder: are we worth us? But she's good enough for me! We will go to worship Lillith Grab your cup, step up and fill it Tho 'ware she don't make you spill it! And that's good enough for me! Well Dimuzi's on vacation He'll be back when spring a wakensThere will be such recreation There will be enough for me! Oh the Phillistines abound Oh the Phillistines abound They had the biggest Baals around And that's good enough for me! [MITHRAISM] We will sing a song of Mithras Let us sing a song of Mithras But there is no rhyme for Mithras! Still he's good enough for me! We will all be saved by Mithras We will all be saved by Mithras Slay the Bull and play the zithras On that Resurrection Day! [MOONIES] We will worship Sun Myung Moonie Though we know he is a goonie All our money he'll have soonly And that's good enough for me! [NEW AGE] Oh, our Spirits will awaken Oh, our Spirits will awaken Watch the Universe a-quakin' Which is Gurdijeff to me! Well I'm tired of Ronald Reagan, He's too square to be a pagan, Let's all vote for Carl Sagan! He's good enough for me! Timmy Leary we will sing to And the things that he was into (Well, at least it wasn't Shinto) And that's good enough for me! I'll arise at early mornin' When the Sun gives me the warnin' That the Solar Age is dawnin' And that's good enough for me! In the sky I hear a hummin' It's the UFO's a-comin' That's not banjos that they're strummin But it's good enough for me! Just like Carlos Castenada Just like Carlos Castenada It'll get you sooner or later And that's good enough for me! [NEW WORLD PAGAN] Thanks to great Quetzacoatl And his sacred axolotl And his gift of chocolatl And please pass some down to me! Some folks pray to the Great Spirit Most folks just cannot get near it So they hate it and they fear it But it's good enough for me! Praise to Popacatapetl Just a tiny cigarette'll Put him in terrific fettle So he's good enough for me! Some folks worship the Kachinas Some folks worship the Kachinas They look like "deus ex machinas" But they're good enough for me! Now watch out for the Maya's,t They might really try to fry ya, Sacrifice people, not papaya's, Just as long as its not me! Montezuma liked to start ou Rites by carrying a part out That would really tear your heart out, But it's good enough for me! Quetzacoatl's flyin' With the Toltec and the Mayan And the mushrooms he's been buyin' Are good enough for me! And when old Quetzacoatl Found a virgin he could throttle And put her heart into a bottle It was good enough for me. We will worship Xochipilli Though it might be a bit silly Running naked makes me chilly But it's good enough for me! We will worship Xipe-Totec Tho it is a little lo-tek It is not a bit ero-tek (erotic) But it's good enough for me! Oh, there's none like Huizlipochtli For destroyin' people tot'ly Best to worship -him- remotely! But he's good enough for me! The Kachinas of the Hopi Dance about and some act dopey They don't leave you feelin' mopey So they're good enough for me! I have gotten in the way-o Walkin' with the Monster Slayer He is worthy of a prayer And he's good enough for me! [SCIENTOLOGY] L. Ron Hubbard liked precision And he founded a religion That has caught a lot of pigeons And it's good enough for me! In matters Dianetic You need not get frenetic Make your Engrams copacetic And that's good enough for me! [SHINTO] There are some who practice Shinto There are some who practice Shinto There's no telling what WE'RE into! but that's good enough for me! I don't really go for Shinto It's just something I'm not into Tho I guess I could begin to 'Cause it's good enough for me! In Japan they thought it neato When they worshipped Hirohito But that didn't sit with SEATO So it never more will be! [THELEMA] Uncle Crowley was a dreamering At the Abbey of Thelemer But his magic is a screamer, So it's good enough for me! When the clouds they are a'rumbl And the thunder is a'grumbling Then it's Crowley that you're mumbling And it's good enough for me! There are those who follow Crowley Tho the stuff that he held holy Turn your your brain to guacamole But he's good enough for me! Let us call an Elemental For a temporary rental Just as long as it is gentle It is good enough for me! It was good enough for Crowley With his sacraments unholy Who smoked pot and ate some moly And it's good enough for me! [VOODOO] There are people into voodoo Africa has raised a hoodoo Just one little doll will do you And it's good enough for me! There are people into Voodoo There are people into Voodoo I know I do, I hope you do! And it's good enough for me! If you're really into dancing And you wanna try some trancing Then the Voodoo gods are prancing And that's good enough for me! [WICCA AND GENERAL NEO-PAGAN] Well, she raised an awful flurry When she made the scholars worry Thank the Gods for Margaret Murray! She is good enough for me! When old Gerald got it goin' When old Gerald got it goin' All that hidin' turned to showin' And that's good enough for me! It was good enough for Granny She could throw a double-whammy That would knock you on your fanny And she's good enough for me! It's not good enough for Reagan It's not good enough for Reagan He's too square to be a Pagan! And that's good enough for me! With the aid of my athame I can throw a "double-whammy" (And can slice and dice salami!) So it's good enough for me! Meeting at the Witching Hour By the Bud, and Branch and Flower Folks are raising up the Power And that's where I want to be! There will be a lot of lovin' When we're meetin in our Coven Quit yer pushin and yer shovin' So there's room enough for me! We will worship with the witches 'Cause we're rowdy sons-of-bitches And they scratch us where it itches And that's good enough for me! Well the Christians all are humming Cause they say their God is coming, Our God came three times this evening And that's good enough for me! We will gather at our saunas When the spirit comes upon us To perform the Rites of Faunus And that's good enough for me! Some folks worship all of Nature Tho they love to taunt and bait-cher They're just funnin', they don't hate-cher And they're good enough for me! [ZARATHUSTRIAN] We will pray to Zarathustra And we'll pray just like we usta I'm a Zarathustra boosta! And that's good enough for me! It could be that you're a Parsi It could be that you're a Parsi Don't need a ticket; you get in free And that's good enough for me! I pray to Ahura-Mazda He's one god who sure won't pause ta Pound some heads when given cause ta Which is good enough for me! I can't rhyme Ahura Mazda, I'll praise the man who tries ta Then I'll wait for Barak Raz ta And that's good enough for me! [UNCLASSIFIABLE VERSES AND UNKNOWN GODS] We will go down to the temple Sit on mats woven of hemp-le Try to set a good "exemple" And that's good enough for me! There are those who worship no gods For they think that there are low odds That the god-seers aren't drunk sods But they're good enough for me! Let us watch Ka-ka-pa-ull Frolic in her swimming pool Subjecting chaos to her rule And that's all right with me! Where's the gong gone? I can't find it I think Northwoods is behind it! For they've always been cymbal-minded And they're good enough for me! They revered ancient ENIAC And sacrificed to UNIVAC Now we sing our chants on VAX pack And that's good enough for me! Some folks pray to the Orishas Tho their humor can be vishas When they grant your stupid wishas But they're good enough for me! When you worship Rusto Treat your friends with lust-o Pursue your faith with gusto! And that's good enough for me! There are those who worship science And some would send 'em to the lions Without 'em we'd have no appliance So they're good enough for me We will all bow down to Gozer Priestess did it with that Joser Cross the streams, and there she goes, sir And that's good enough for me! We will worship Christian Jesus And do just like John Paul pleases That we will... when Hades freezes! And that's good enough for me! Drink to FUFLUNS he's just fine The Etruscan god of wine This verse doesn't really rhyme But it's good enough for me! I have got a strange religion I will worship Walter Pidgeon Is he sacred? Just a smidgen! But it's good enough for me! John, Paul, George and Ringo We will worship playing Bingo We will listen to them sing-o And that's good enough for me! [THE OBLIGATORY LAST VERSE] It's the opera written for us! We will all join in the chorus! It's the opera about Boris, Which is Godunov for me! |